TheLebLog

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Israel, Lebanon, Hezbollah Negotiate Historic Cease-Peace Agreement

by Harun Al-Satair
هارون الستير

Beirut
15 July 2006

A major diplomatic breakthrough was reached today as Israel, Lebanon, and Hezbollah agreed to "completely and utterly cease peace."

"We have been working on the agreement for some time," said Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. "Just when I thought all-out war was avoidable, we have managed to secure a long-term cease-peace agreement that will ensure weeks of hell."

To celebrate the agreement, Israel attacked fresh targets in Lebanon, Hezbollah shelled Israeli cities, and the Lebanese government engaged in heavy cursing.

Radical elements on both the Israeli and Hezbollah sides were pleased.

"War, war, war!" shouted Hezbollah militants and Israeli nutjobs together. "I'm more radical than the square root of two!" shouted one novice militant before an awkward silence.


Egyptian Mediation

The agreement was reached through Egyptian mediators, who set the tone by opening fire on the respective parties' convoys when they arrived in Cairo on Monday.

"What did they want us to do, book them a hotel and a conference room?" Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak shouted. This is a cease-peace conference, not some panzy-butt arts festival. To make his point Mubarak then punched the Lebanese foreign minister in the face.

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