U.S. Evacuates 1000 Civilians, 90,000 Flies from Lebanon
by Harun as-Satair
Tuesday 18 July 2006
Following the outbreak of war in Lebanon, the United States today facilitated the departure of some 1,000 civilians and 90,000 flies, the State Department reported today.
The 91,000 evacuees departed on a Norwegian cargo ship named “Hual.” Though the ship featured no passenger beds and only about 25 seats, it had plentiful open storage for vomit.
On the twelve hour journey, food was in short supply for humans, though the evacuated flies were better off; they had an estimated 6000 sources of food, counting the limbs, torso, and head of each human passenger aboard. The flies thus enjoyed cuisine of Norweigan, Lebanese, and American varieties.
Though the flies were delighted to be so well fed, the humans were less enthusiastic. “Arrgh, the flies! I’m being hunted like an animal!” screamed Ms. Enbici Notso. “And this ship is completely overcrowded!” Notso rolled her eyes as she stretched out on her 50 square feet of personal deck space.